The most surprising part of the adoption experience is how well I get along with the adoptive family. They are amazing. I feel like they are just another part of my family. My advice to someone who is thinking about adoption is that it can be a wonderful, awesome thing.
Myths About Adoption
Adoption can be a misunderstood decision. There are a lot of myths about what adoption is and how it affects those involved after the child is placed. It is important to know the truth about adoption when considering an adoption plan for your child.
Here are some common myths we hear and the truth behind these myths:
1. “Once I look into adoption, I can’t go back on my decision.”
Making an adoption plan is not a decision made lightly or quickly; there are steps to the process. At each step, you can reevaluate if adoption is the right decision, all the way up until you sign your voluntary consents. In Minnesota, you can’t sign adoption papers until after the child is born, and even then, you have two weeks before they are final. Should you choose to parent after exploring adoption, your social worker’s role is to support you no matter what decision you make. It’s your choice.
2. “I will regret my decision.”
Making any big decision in life comes with a fear of regret. Through the adoption process, you will have time to address your fears and talk through what both parenting and adoption could look like, now and in the future. This will help you make a decision you are confident in. By choosing the family who will raise your child and how much contact you want with them, you lessen the likelihood of having regrets. Although there will be times when you feel grief and loss, you can still look back and know you made the best decision for you and your child.
3. “I won’t be able to see my child again.”
Adoption has changed a lot in the area of openness. In an agency placement, you can meet and choose the adoptive parents before the adoption and have ongoing contact throughout the child’s life. We will work with you to make an openness plan with the adoptive family that works for both of you.
4. “If I make an adoption plan, my child will resent me when he or she grows up.”
Children who are adopted often see themselves as special, being loved by not one but two families. Research has shown that in general, as openness and/or access to information about birth families has increased in adoption, adopted children appreciate their birth families as they grow up and desire some connection with them. In addition, studies show that children who are adopted are as well-adjusted as their non-adopted peers.
5. “Adoption is a selfish choice and the easy way out.”
The decision to place for adoption or parent is a big decision; a lot of thought goes into it. Women and men who choose to make an adoption plan do so for many different reasons, but all of them do so out of love for their child. Making an adoption plan is a loving and selfless decision.
Making an adoption plan is a parenting decision – you are deciding who will be the best parents for your child, and if you decide that isn’t you in your situation right now, that is a very responsible decision to make.
6. “The adoptive family won’t be able to love my baby as much as I can.”
Many adoptive families have said they love their adopted child the same as a child born to them. Their love extends not just to the child, but also to you.
I know my daughter will grow up with the best possible future because she has the best parents anyone could ask for. I hope she will know that I didn’t place her for adoption because I didn’t want her, but because I wanted her to have the best possible future.