Advice for Birth Parents from Birth Parents

birth fathers

When Elise came along, it gave me a softer side but also gave me a strong side and a more protective side. Going through everything we had to go through for her, it gave me a confidence that there’s nothing I can’t go through and succeed in.

The adoption journey is so unique to each person, but many birth parents can relate to similar thoughts and feelings along the way. We asked birth parents what advice they would share with others on this journey. This is what they said:

Brittany: Just remember that because of your selfless gift, you were an answer to prayer for a couple that had been waiting to become a mom and a dad, or a child becoming a brother or sister. Never be ashamed of your story, it is a beautiful, loving thing and you are a beautiful, loving person.


Mary: Be you! You are allowed to be vulnerable and emotional. You are allowed to be angry and hurt. The decision to place a child for adoption is the most selfless decision anyone can make. You did not make this decision in haste, nor out of selfishness. You are selfless and amazing!


Kelsey pictured with her sister.

Kelsey: Share your story! God calls us to “rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.”-  Romans 12:15. Find trusted people who will rejoice in the new life God has given you and your baby, and trusted people to mourn with you when the grief and loss are overwhelming. God is sovereign over all, including our grief, “But you, God, see the trouble of the afflicted; you consider their grief and take it in hand.”-Psalm 10:14. God will restore, and so often provides restoration through the people He places in our lives.


Bailey pictured with her birth daughter.

Bailey: Be honest… be honest with your family, be honest with your friends, and with your child’s adoptive family. Be honest about your emotions and what you feel inside. The more openness you have with the people closest to you, the better you will heal. You will have a closer connection to yourself, your child, your family, friends, and the family that you have blessed with a life.


Sandi pictured with her birth daughter.

Sandi: Adoption is a beautiful thing, but many people have a bad view of or idea about adoption. When someone doesn’t understand your decision, remember you made this decision for you and your child. Not for your mom, dad, sister, brother, or your friends. You made the best decision for you and your baby. Don’t listen to the negativity that comes from other people that didn’t walk a day in your shoes!

There will be bad days, very bad days. You will cry so much you will think you will never stop crying. You will feel physical pain, like your heart is broken and nothing will ever put it back together again. You will feel like you made the wrong decision. And all these feelings are okay. Find a support system and lean on them. Tell them everything you are felling and don’t bottle it up. Be okay with not being okay.

Don’t be afraid to share your story. You should not feel shame or guilt. Your story is unique and beautiful. It shows a mother’s selfless love and the decision to make a plan for her child. It shows heart break, yet at the same time it shows happiness. It shows grief and loss, yet again at the same time shows a new family coming together. Your story shows YOU, and that is a beautiful thing.