This year, National Infertility Awareness Week is April 19-25th. Infertility is a common experience. “In the United States, among married women aged 15 to 49 years with no prior births, about 1 in 5 (19%) are unable to get pregnant after one year of trying (cdc.gov).” At New Life Adoptions, we work with many couples who have experienced infertility, or secondary infertility, before coming to adoption. Infertility can be a long and difficult journey full of ups and downs. Once couples arrive at the decision to explore adoption, they may already be emotionally drained. Despite the difficult road some couples travel through infertility, one thing is evident in the families wanting to adopt through New Life Adoptions. They have an excitement and passion to become parents (either for the first time, or again).
Despite the difficult road some couples travel through infertility, one thing is evident in the families wanting to adopt through New Life Adoptions. They have an excitement and passion to become parents (either for the first time, or again).
Some couples who experience infertility decide to go through fertility treatments, while others decide to forego those treatments and start down the adoption path. Regardless of the path that brings families to adoption after infertility, it is important to work through the many feelings of grief and loss associated with infertility before moving to adoption. Working towards becoming parents, either through fertility treatments or adoption, can be very physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially demanding. Due to this high demand, it is important to not actively pursue fertility treatments while in the adoption process. While we know that one can never be fully healed of the pain of infertility, it is important to find some resolution in this area before pursuing adoption.
While we know that one can never be fully healed of the pain of infertility, it is important to find some resolution in this area before pursuing adoption.
Once a couple starts their adoption journey, their social worker will talk with the them about how they have dealt with their infertility and how they have grieved the losses associated with this. For some, professional counseling may be necessary. For others, reflection, journaling, discussing as a couple or joining a support group may be helpful. At times, the adoption process may cause the pain and grief of infertility to resurface, and couples need to know how to work through these thoughts and feelings both individually and together in their relationship.
It is important for couples to understand that adoption, or becoming parents, does not cure the grief and loss of infertility. Many families who have adopted will tell you that becoming parents has brought them so much joy, that the child who was placed with them was worth every part of the difficult journey to becoming parents, but it does not erase the pain of the journey to get there. Some adoptive parents still feel the lingering pain of infertility event after adopting.
It is important for couples to understand that adoption, or becoming parents, does not cure the grief and loss of infertility.
Families who consider adoption only after they experience infertility may question if they really should adopt, if adoption is their “second choice” for how to grow their family. They may wonder how their child(ren) will feel knowing that they tried to have biological children first, and when that did not work, they moved to adoption. While going through the process of adoption to become a parent may be a second choice, becoming a parent was the first choice. Focusing on the ultimate desire to become a parent is still a good motivation for adoption. We know that “second choice” does not mean “second best.”
We know that “second choice” does not mean “second best.”
Here at New Life Adoptions, we know that God is sovereign over all situations. He is leading and directing every child who is placed through our agency into the home where he or she is supposed to be. If you have experienced infertility as part of your journey, consider sharing your story with others. Sharing your story can bring hope and healing, both to yourself and to those who hear it.
If you are considering adoption and want to learn more about our adoption process give us a call today!