When I found out I was pregnant, I was 22 years old and a sophomore in college. I never thought that this was something that would happen to me, and I was terrified about what the next year of my life would bring. Despite my fear, I felt peace. I had been living a destructive lifestyle and had been trying to change, without much success. This was my reason to change. God heard my prayer.
Before I found out I was pregnant, God was not part of my story. I grew up in a Christian home with loving parents, but when I got to college, I decided I was going to live how I wanted to live, and completely ignored my faith. Shortly before I found out I was pregnant, I finally prayed and asked God for help. I was upset with Him at first because I had asked for help, not more hardships. Looking back, I see that in His sovereignty, and His promise to work all things for our good, He used it to save me.
Making an Adoption Plan
The first few months of my pregnancy, I was very adamant that I was going to parent my baby. My parents had suggested adoption, but I wanted nothing to do with the idea. As the months went on, and the more I prayed, I knew God was calling me to place my baby for adoption. As difficult of a decision as that was, I felt at peace. I didn’t know how, but I knew God would make a way for me to see her.
As the months went on, and the more I prayed, I knew God was calling me to place my baby for adoption.
After meeting with the pastor at my parent’s church, I was connected with New Life Adoptions. After many meetings with my social worker and much discussion, I decided I was ready to move forward with placing my daughter for adoption. I started looking at parent profiles, and picked out the profile of the family who would soon become my daughter’s family.
Throughout the meetings with my social worker, I was very adamant that my daughter’s name not be changed. After I found out I was pregnant, I just knew my baby would be a girl, and I gave her a name. I could not imagine anyone calling my baby anything other than the name I had given her. The day I met her now family, I found out they had the same name picked out that I had chosen for her. That was all I needed to know. This was her family. My daughter is a child of God, and he called her by name.
Watching another couple walk out of the hospital room with my baby was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.
Watching another couple walk out of the hospital room with my baby was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I picked out the outfit she would leave the hospital in, strapped her into her car seat and watched her leave. Despite the immense grief I was feeling, I have never felt as close to God as I did in that moment. Ezekiel 34 says,
Ezekiel 34:11-12, 15a
Throughout my story, God’s promise to rescue his sheep has held true. If it weren’t for his grace, his love, his compassion and his mercy, I would still be a lost sheep. God has me in his grip now, and I know he will never let me go. As he promised, he made a way for me to see my daughter. I wanted an open adoption, as did her parents, and I have been seeing her consistently once a month, if not more, since she was born. God took the mistakes I made and has multiplied the blessings that have come from it more than I can count.
I wanted an open adoption, as did her parents, and I have been seeing her consistently once a month, if not more, since she was born.
Sharing My Story
New Life first asked me to share my story in the fall of 2009, the fall after my daughter was born, at their annual banquet. That was 10 years ago now, and I have been sharing my story with New Life ever since then. I have shared my story at other New Life events, churches, youth groups, public schools and have found it to be a healing experience. God created us to be in community with each other. We are not meant to carry our burdens alone.
One of the most memorable experiences I had when sharing my story was at a women’s shelter. When I arrived there to speak, I was so afraid I would not be able to connect with the women. I was worried about all I had to do at work and school, and these women were worried where their next meal was going come from and where they were going to sleep at night. Despite my fear, the women were receptive to my story. Grief and loss are a human experience, no matter what the situation. They were encouraged to hear about how God worked in my story, and the many blessings that came from a difficult situation.
I may never know while I am on this earth the impact my story has had on others, but I trust that God is working. He is in control of all things, and has carefully planned who is going to hear me speak and when. My story is about my life, but ultimately, it is a beautiful example of God and how he works in the lives of his children. He is graceful, loving, compassionate, full of mercy and will stop at nothing to rescue his children. God’s power is often seen best in the stories we share. You may never know who needs to hear your story and why, but God knows, and will continue to work through our stories.
You may never know who needs to hear your story and why, but God knows, and will continue to work through our stories.