In anything we do, it can be helpful to hear from others who have gone before us. Hearing about someone else’s experience and the words of wisdom they share can be so powerful. In a 2022 survey of birth parents, we asked what advice they have for expectant parents who are considering adoption. This is what they had to share about choosing adoption.

“You have more control than you think.”

• You have more control over the adoption process than you think. Getting to know the prospective parents first helps ease the feeling of them being “strangers”. Don’t think of it as “giving up a child,” but instead as “placing a child”. My child’s adoptive family is more like an extension of my own family instead of feeling like they are random people.
• Adoption is the best gift I could ever have given me and my child. We added another family to ours, and there is so much love to go around.
• Be willing to let go and trust the process.
• God’s hand was all over my adoption. I believe He is sovereign over all adoptions. He created adoption by adopting us into his family. It’s so beautiful.
• Pray a lot. God led me to my son’s parents.

“Adoption is a lifelong journey.”

• Adoption is a lifelong journey. It is not, by any means, just an “event”. Stay true to the child’s best interest and everything will work itself out. Even so, hold on for the ride because there will be some speed bumps along the way.
• It’s a hard decision no matter what. It can be hard knowing you aren’t there to experience the milestones.
• Keep an open mind. Think about the morals, values, beliefs — the things you would want to have instilled in your baby — and assist them to have a positive life for their future. These are the things that matter. Know that your child will be loved very much, but be sure that this is the decision you truly want to make. This is not an easy decision and does become harder to hold to as pregnancy progresses and then after birth.

“Be patient, loving and kind, but also have some boundaries and set them at the beginning.”

• Go into this with eyes wide open. A birth mother’s love is fierce and strong, and the pain of our decision sits just under the surface. Life events bring that pain to the surface at times, and sometimes it comes forward unexpectedly. We may understand and know that our decision was the right one, but that does not equate to always being OK with it. Be patient, loving and kind, but also have some boundaries and set them at the beginning. These children NEVER stop being our child; we just do not get to be their parent/Mom.

*Some answers have been edited for length and clarity.