In anything we do, it can be helpful to hear from others who have gone before us. Hearing about someone else’s experience and the words of wisdom they share can be so powerful. In a 2022 survey of birth parents, we asked what advice they have for expectant parents who are considering adoption. This is what they had to share about openness in adoption:

“Personally, openness has been a huge blessing to me”

• Openness can be so beneficial for both you and your child. Personally, openness has been a huge blessing to me. I don’t think I would have been able to place for adoption if I wouldn’t have had certainty that I would be able to see my baby and make sure she was doing well. Take your time looking at all the options, meet with potential parents and if it goes well, keep meeting! Get to know them, develop a relationship.
• Go into open adoption with an open mind and understand its challenging for both parties.
• I would recommend some level of openness because there is peace of mind in choosing and knowing the adoptive parents, but the level of openness depends on each person’s comfort level.

“Open adoption is a beautiful thing.”

• Open adoption is a beautiful thing. If you find the right parents for your child, it really is a wonderful relationship.
• You need to realize that you are not going to be their parent. You are not co-parenting this child.
• Open adoption and my daughters’ parents have been the biggest blessing in my life. They truly are extended family, and I can’t imagine life without them.
• Trust God. Open your heart to what he has to say. Be honest about what you desire. There are mothers who grieve and cope by having minimal contact, and then there are mothers like me who do best being very involved with their child and family. God is good, he is in control, and can be trusted to create your family.

“Try to make openness as natural as possible.”

• Try to make openness as natural as possible. I wouldn’t have agreed to an adoption if it wasn’t open. The only thing I would recommend is to draw a clear boundary as far as how close you want to be.
• Openness 100% makes the process easier to go through. No matter what, the beginning is hard, but time does make it better especially still being able to still be in that child’s life.
• Pick adoptive parents with the same ideas of openness as you.

“It’s like gaining another family.”

• It’s like gaining another family. It really helps with grieving and feels like less of a loss. It’s hard, but you get to watch them turn into a little person, and that makes it worth it.
• It’s emotional, but it is so worth it. To be able to see and to know how your child is growing and developing; that they are loved, healthy, and happy make it easier on so many ways compared to not knowing at all.

 

*Some answers have been edited for length and clarity.