Grief is messy. It isn’t simple. The process is unique for each individual. It doesn’t seem to end. It is a journey. Each of you reading this are already very aware of this. You yourselves have gone through the process of grieving and healing. You know exactly what grief looked like in relation to your own adoption plan, and how this loss has affected you since that time. Many of you have grown through grief, having found hope, joy, and love on the other side. What may have started as a long, difficult journey has produced a rich and meaningful perspective on life. Although grief can be difficult, the process of walking through it can provide people with great strength. As I think about the journey of adoption, I think about this quote from Tolstoy:
Only people who are capable of loving strongly can also suffer great sorrow, but this same necessity of loving serves to counteract their grief and heals them.
Each of you has greatly loved the child you placed for adoption. Your decision was made out of love and a desire to provide in a deep way. Although painful at times, your love for your child has produced healing. As an Expectant Parent Social Worker at New Life Adoptions, I have had the privilege of supporting some of you in your journey through grief after placing a child for adoption. I have been inspired and encouraged by your desire to make a great sacrifice. You have placed your desires and hopes beneath those for your child. Many people are unable to comprehend what courage and strength it took for you to make this decision. Many people do not understand the heartache and sorrow you have encountered because of your decision. Although I have personally not made an adoption plan for a child, I have seen your grief in a raw way. Pain was your reality. I have witnessed your tears, your anger, and your loneliness. I have watched some of you struggle with your decision, and I can attest that your decision was not easy. However, with the support of family and friends, and the desire to see the best outcome for your child, you persevered. You chose to embrace pain to bring joy to others. You chose to live in the struggle. You decided to place others before yourself.
As you continue on your adoption journey, I pray that God will continue to use your strength, and your story to encourage others, and that you will continue to grieve in a healthy way trusting that God will provide for you in the exact ways you need. If you are in need of ongoing grief support, please contact our Post Adoption Department.