Finding Out about Kendrah’s Pregnancy

When my daughter, Kendrah, first told me that she was pregnant, I remember she was very upset. She was worried that I would be mad at her. My first reaction was, “I need 5 minutes to process this!” After a brief moment, I jumped into action. I knew my daughter and grandchild needed me to be strong and supportive. From the moment she told me she was pregnant, my love for her and this baby far outweighed any feelings of disappointment or frustration with the situation. Right away, we moved her out of her boyfriend’s apartment, went to the store to get prenatal vitamins, and made an appointment to confirm her pregnancy.

After a brief moment, I jumped into action, I knew my daughter and grandchild needed me to be strong and supportive.

Adoption Planning

I heard about New Life Adoptions from one of my best friends. She and her husband had gone through New Life many years earlier to adopt two of their boys. We scheduled an appointment right away. From the moment we walked in, nervous, unsure and scared, the staff at New Life were consistently kind, caring, calming and understanding. Our social worker was like a breath of fresh air! We met with her so many times, and she was always willing to discuss any questions or concerns. She walked through every scenario with us making sure we fully understood each step.

I was very supportive of adoption because I knew my daughter wasn’t ready to parent. I have the privilege of having an older brother who was adopted and of seeing many of my friends be blessed by the adoption of their own kids. It’s such a beautiful life-giving choice! Helping to make the choice to place my granddaughter for adoption was difficult to say the least. I knew this meant I was giving up “grandma rights,” and I grieved not being able to be her favorite grandma! I’ve said many times, if open adoption wasn’t an option I don’t think we could have done it. But with how open adoptions work these days, I believe it is so healthy for the birth mom and child!

Helping to make the choice to place my granddaughter for adoption was difficult to say the least.

Team Work

Throughout the journey, Kendrah and I were a team. We joked that I was her “husband” during her pregnancy and delivery. I was with her at every adoption appointment and every doctor’s appointment. We poured over adoptive family profile books together, I bought her the foods she craved, and I made sure she was taking the very best vitamins on the market. I sat with her as she told family and friends about her pregnancy and adoption plan. I cried, rejoiced, and prayed over every step of the process with her, and I would do it all again in a heartbeat!

God has been in every detail, in every tear drop, concern, question, and idea. When I prayed about the decision of which adoptive parents Kendrah should choose, God made it so clear that He had the perfect parents already handpicked for this little girl. One day as I prayed for the couple who would eventually adopt her I had a vision. I saw a petite woman with a curly blonde bob haircut, I couldn’t see her face but I could feel her spirit—it was tender and kind. When I described it later to Kendrah I explained, “She reminds me of a kindergarten teacher!” Sure enough, Rachel has short blonde hair that she often wears curly…and she was an art teacher before they brought their first daughter home!

Entrustment Ceremony

The day of the entrustment ceremony was by far the hardest day of my life. It brings tears to my eyes just remembering it. As the birth grandmother, I had encouraged Kendrah to place this beautiful child for adoption, for both of their well beings, and I couldn’t help but feel the gravity of her choice on that day. Seeing my daughter in intense emotional pain was heart wrenching. I questioned whether or not I had led her well through this process. However, that aside, the entrustment ceremony itself, and what it represented, was absolutely beautiful. Rachel had purchased matching necklaces for Kendrah and Olivia to honor their relationship. Seeing two beautiful mothers—one a birth mother, the other an adoptive mother—wanting the very best for this beautiful baby girl was amazing! We all shared heartfelt words about what this experience meant to us, and our beautiful relationship deepened that day!

Seeing two beautiful mothers—one a birth mother, the other an adoptive mother—wanting the very best for this beautiful baby girl was amazing!

Forever Grateful

Being Olivia’s birth grandmother has been the most beautiful thing. She is perfect in every way! I’ve loved her deeply since the moment I knew she existed. Not being able to give the kind of time and attention to Olivia as I would have liked to still hurts, but John and Rachel have been very generous in sharing her and Vivi with us. For that we are forever grateful!  Watching Olivia possess so many of Kendrah’s character traits and physical features makes every photo, video and visit we get with her such a blessing!

God has exceeded our every expectation on this journey. He has comforted us in our loss and given us tremendous strength in our weakness. When I thought I couldn’t take the next step, He carried me. When I had to look my grieving daughter in the eyes and tell her she made the right decision, He sat next to me and held my broken heart. I suppose I already knew this, but never really considered it until I watched my daughter go through it: Being a mother takes more strength than you would ever think you possess until your child needs you to be that strong!