As you begin to make your adoptive family profile book, you may have questions that come to mind. How do we best represent our family in this book? What details do birth parents want to know about us? How do we accurately portray who we are without meeting someone in person first? Maybe you’re thinking how nice it would be to hear from birth parents who have already gone through the process of viewing profile books and choosing a family. We asked a few birth parents to share their thoughts with you in this blog.
From Birth Parents
Q: How did you sort through multiple profile books?
- “Some profile books just stood out to me more than others. I had already thought of things that I really wanted for my child (such as their name and no other siblings at the time) and it helped me narrow down books when some families were not okay with those things. I paid special attention when families included their views on openness and views on raising children. Some profiles had what I was looking for and some did not, so it was pretty easy to narrow down the list of books. It was important to me to pick a family that accepted everything I wanted for my child.”
- “I was looking for a family with similar values. At the time I wasn’t following God, but I was raised in a Christian home. I wanted my son to be raised in a Christian home, and I couldn’t give that to him.”
- “They gave me a big stack of 9-10 books. They are so much fun to go through. The one that was on top stood out to me, so I put it at the bottom of the pile. Something really attracted me to that book, and I wanted to give everyone else a chance. I went through all of the books and finally got to theirs. After opening it and looking at the first few pages I knew this was the family.”
- “When we got the profile books, I just looked down and saw a picture of the adoptive family. We knew instantly that they were the ones. I had a lot in common with the adoptive mom and the birth father had a lot in common with the adoptive dad.”
Q: Did you look at any of the adoptive family profiles on our website?
- “I Googled adoption agencies and New Life came up. I was looking at their website and came across the family. When I saw their photo, it was so welcoming. I knew right away that I wanted to choose them.”
Q: Was there anything you wished was included in the profiles? Maybe certain information or pictures you were hoping to see that would have helped your decision?
- “One thing I noticed a lot of profiles did not include was their approximate location. I knew I wanted an open adoption and proximity to my child was important to me. I understand families might not be comfortable with sharing their location, but even a “we live approximately 30 minutes north of Minneapolis” would have been helpful in deciding on a family.”
Q: How did reading through the adoptive family profiles change/inform your view of adoptive families? Did it change your view of adoption at all (such as making your decision easier or more difficult)?
- “I thought the process of profile books was awesome. It made my decision a lot easier when it came to choosing a family to parent my child that I had already been parenting for a few months. I was nervous I was going to have to meet a bunch of potential families in person or over the phone in order to choose parents for my child, but the books were a great way to start the process and narrow it down to just a couple families or, in my case, just one.”
- “Finding a family that was similar to my own was what made it easy for me.”
- “There were a lot of different God connections.”
- “You just see those people and know, ‘That’s it. That’s them. There are no other questions asked’.”
Q: When you met an adoptive family in person, was there anything different about them that you noticed after meeting them in person vs in their profile?
- “I only met with one adoptive family and they were exactly like I imagined them to be after viewing their profile book. There were no surprises, and I was able to ask them more in-depth questions after reading their profile.”
- “I looked through the profiles, and once I met them I knew they would be my son’s parents.”
You may be an expectant parent getting ready to look at profiles. Here is a birth mother’s advice for you.
Q: What advice would you share with expectant parents who are looking at adoptive family profiles?
- “I would just recommend you remember it is YOUR decision and you are in control of who you choose to parent your child. If something you read about the family does not feel like it fits with your views or you feel like you must compromise something you value, you can revisit other profiles. If one profile stands out to you, revisit it each day for a few days in a row to make sure you want to choose that family.”
Hopefully these answers help you feel more comfortable and confident as you create your profile books. Remember that each expectant parent is different, and the experiences shared above are not the same for everyone. Every adoption is as unique as the birth parents and adoptive families involved, and that’s what makes it beautiful. Be confident in who you are and how you express your family. Ultimately, being yourself and trusting the Lord with His will and timing are really important aspects in making your book. At New Life Adoptions, we believe that there is a “right fit” for both you and the expectant parents who are looking.